27W Bad Teacher Seeks Lover to Canoodle on a School Night
happy new year! there is no better person to kick off 2021 than this week’s hot single. anyone who meets her feels her energy—it’s electric. and she happens to be a proud owner of an electric guitar. maybe she’ll write you a song ;)
until next week!
what would your exes say about you?
“Earnest and kind but also ZESTY. Fun. Not afraid to put herself out there and talk to strangers!”
“She challenges me to be my best self.” This is probably my best quality. I love to be challenged and I will challenge you to be your best. If you need to have a serious conversation with your mom, I will role play. If you want to start a traveling caravan of pole dancers, I will recruit.
Towards the end— “I’m afraid I’m not fun and adventurous enough for you” (this one didn’t last long).
tell us about a prank you played
I love playing pranks but I’m going to tell you about a time I *got* pranked. I got caked in class. Like, I got my face smashed into a cake by my students. It was INSANE. I was humiliated. I’ll spare you the details of the incident itself because the rest is where I shine. I bounce back, and THAT is some real character.
So I get home and I have tears in my eyes. I’m on the verge of a breakdown. There is green frosting in my hair. In the heat of it all, I write an email to my students that includes sentences like:
“I thought you were better than this, but you showed your true colors today: you’re pathetic.”
“This is irredeemable. I honestly feel bad for you all.”
You know, stuff like that. I read it to my roommate Avi (editor’s note: also a hot single), who was like...maybe you should send something a little softer (he is an angel). So I rewrote the email and I kid you not, it was one of the best emails I’ve ever written. It was the first time I saw myself as a real adult, let alone a teacher of the youth. It was even-keeled, and came off as very mature. I cried all night long, but they’ll never know.
what makes you hot?
I can sing... maybe in your ear... that’s hot... I just stress-bought an electric guitar, that’s hot. I can twist spaghetti with a spoon. Hot. And I have tons of this really good cottage cheese, Good Culture. I love it. And I’ll share it with you. That’s hot.
occupation: High school English teacher
looking for: hotties of any gender
neighborhood: Fort Greene
book: God of Small Things, Arundhati Roy
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check out previous weeks’ singles below and reply if you wanna meet them 💌