26W Banter Enthusiast Seeks Mustached Muse

hey everybody! i’m excited to introduce our first hot single of the week. if you’re interested in her, respond to this email 🙋🏽‍♂️

she’s a spiked-seltzer-loving, beat-boxing, techno dancer extraordinaire. you’ll never get bored around this banter enthusiast because she literally gets paid to tell stories.

we had to kick it off with someone who’s a true catch, so without further ado, meet our hot single 🎣

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What hill do you die on?

I deeply believe that ketchup is a food, not just a condiment. Its flavor profile is complex enough - its taste multilayered, versatile, rich - that I contend it’s more akin to a soup than a sauce. This is a true fact: when I was young, I would eat Cheerios with ketchup instead of milk. Before you get grossed out, just know that they were NOT Honey Nut Cheerios (the sweet kind) but just regular Cheerios (little puffed rings that taste like air and went very well with the ketchup). You’re probably wondering what ketchup brand I favor...and I’ll let you in. It’s no secret. It’s Heinz. All those artisanal ketchups miss something - they’re too sweet, too chunky, there isn’t enough tang. My hill is Heinz and I am prepared to die on it. 

How would your friends describe you?

I just asked them. They said the following (edited for clarity and also to remove any bad things they said): 

Very loud laugh

Expressive eyes + eyebrows combo

Will make small talk with anyone BUT ALSO knows when to end it!!! 

Loves spiked seltzer (and believes she discovered it) (editor’s note: I did) 

Expert at flirting with baristas and waiters to get free stuff

Can beatbox forcefully if not well

what makes you hot?

I generally run hot (my resting body temperature is VERY high, nothing medically diagnosable or wrong so PLEASE don’t worry!!!). Beyond that, I’m hot because I have fun a lot. Like, if I’m with someone and we’re going somewhere and we get there and there’s an unexpectedly super long line, and we have to wait in it, and it’s like ughhhhh I had no idea there’d be a line!!! I would make that experience fun. If you’re fun too, we’d have a good time in that line. And I think that’s hot.

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📊 stats

age: 26

occupation: Story Producer + Editor

neighborhood: Prospect Lefferts

✨ favs

book: Speedboat by Renata Adler

song: Impossible tie between Fiebre by Bad Gyal and Bruised Orange by John Prine

tv/movie: Arthur (as in the Aardvark)

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🙋🏽‍♂️ if you’re interested in this week’s hot single, respond to this email :)

how does this work?

1. you receive a weekly personal ad for a hot single

2. if you’re interested, you respond to the ad. (have a friend who might be interested? forward it to them)

3. a member of our team will share your message with the hot single, and they’ll take it from there

have a question or interested in being featured?

respond to this email and we’ll be in touch :)