Hot-On-The-Street

a collaboration with CAFÉ ANNE

hey hotties!

coming at ya with a special edition of hot singles in collaboration with CAFÉ ANNE, a fun and funny newsletter about nyc. anne is a longtime journalist and nyc local and she cracks me up regularly with stuff like 50 New Yorkers Explain: Who is Jordan Peterson? and Senior Citizen Roulette, which inspired what you’re about to read.

today’s newsletter comes in two parts. i spent hours trying to get elderly people to talk to me about love and dating, the results of which are in her newsletter today. it was equal parts hilarious and heartwarming. just to give you a little preview:

what’s your toxic trait in relationships?

I'm lazy and I don't like to work and I don't make much money.

how has that manifested?

Well, the women leave me.

anne took my job and went and interviewed a younger set of hotties, which you’ll find below. give her newsletter a look-see, i consider it a cousin to hot singles. we’re definitely related somehow…

back to our regularly scheduled programming tomorrow! you still have a chance to submit a classified:

stay hot 🥵

-randa

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When I set out to do some street interviews with hot singles to get their thoughts on dating in NYC for Randa, I soon found that pretty much everyone agrees on the situation—dates are easy to get, but love is hard to find. This either a fantastic or dismal state of affairs, depending on one’s point of view. But everyone’s got advice. Not to mention a toxic trait!

—Anne

Malik, 39, Corrections Officer, Harlem

I met Malik enjoying the afternoon sun in Downtown Brooklyn.

What are your thoughts about dating in New York City?

In a nutshell, it’s very eventful. Kind of like when you put your quarter in the machine, and try to get one of those surprises out. You want the bicycle! And then you put your quarter in the machine and you don’t get the bicycle—you get like, some funny elephant. It’s definitely like that in a nutshell!

So my thing to say to you is, get a lot of quarters! Right? Just in case your prize doesn’t come out. You have another go-round!

What makes you hot?

Intimacy. A lot of intimacy. A lot of foreplay is key! Foreplay is great. It’s all like a psyche thing, you know? Sex is very mental. It’s more psychological.

What’s your toxic trait in relationships?

Oh wow. I’m definitely a love-maker. I’d say I’m a great love-maker but horrible with the phone, with communication. I’m kind of toxic in that way. I’m an intimate person so it seems like I’m in tune, and then I don’t really communicate well.

It’s kind of a mixed signals situation.

Right!

Last question: What advice do you have for those who are looking for love?

You should be open to a person’s faults. They might have all their good qualities, but you have to take some bad with that good. If you’re not going to do that, I don’t think you’re looking for love. Because love takes sacrifice!

Carlotta, 31, Designer, Red Hook

I met Carlotta on park bench in Cadman Plaza. While we were talking, she applied a thick coat of red lipstick (without using a mirror!) and donned a pair of very cool sunglasses. But then she declined to let me take her picture, citing privacy reasons.

What are your thoughts about dating in NYC?

I think there can be a lot of options, which can be a good and a bad thing. It depends on your objectives. I think if you’re looking for a serious relationship, it might be harder to find. As opposed to just looking for a more casual encounter. I think that’s pretty easy to find.

It’s very vibrant, and there’s so many people to meet on the apps and what-not. It’s really easy to meet a variety of people, especially as the city is so diverse. You can really find a lot of interesting connections. Especially with the apps and all that.

What apps do the young people use?

I use Hinge. But I think most people just use them all. Raya is a more exclusive dating app geared toward influencers and people in creative industries. You need to qualify to use it. If you don’t have a social media following, which I do not, it’s impossible. But it seems like a fun one, too. I have some friends who have had some success on it.

What make you hot?

That’s a really awkward question! Some people might find me very attractive, others might not. But I think being hot is being confident with who you are, and knowing what you like, and going after that.

Would that describe you?

I think so, yeah. I certainly know what I like!

What’s your toxic trait?

I can be avoidant, pretty chronically. I find it hard to stay in relationships.

Last question—What advice do you have for those looking for love?

Don’t ask me for advice! That’s my only advice!

I think it comes down to knowing what you want. And acknowledging that, and not settling for less. Compromising certainly, but not settling!

Eric, 25, Summer Camp Investor, Central Park West

I met Eric eating his lunch on the Brookyn Heights Promenade. He asked be photographed with my dog Minnie because he felt more comfortable with a prop.

What are your thoughts about dating in New York City?

If you’re looking to date, it’s probably one of the greatest cities in the world. And it’s probably a lot harder here to find someone to settle down with. There’s a lot of people here that, because there are so many dating options, are super selective, and pretty much have an idealized vision of the perfect one.

There’s some crazy stat—I think 80% of people 50 years ago ended up marrying someone that grew up within a mile of them. That’s an insane number now. I don’t know anyone who grew up within a mile of me. And the thing is, those marriages 50 years ago—there’s lower divorce rates, people were happier in those marriages. There were a lot of people marrying someone out of convenience and then growing into their marriage. If you charted their love over time, they started fine—it was convenient, their families knew each other. And then over time, as they got jobs together, got a house together, raised kids together together, their love grew for each other.

These days in books, movies, TV shows, there’s very much this idea of finding the one. So now divorce is higher. If you find people who marry now, at the start, when you graph out their love, it’s super high. But it declines quickly over time. And New York is a really crazy microcosm of that, where I think people are won’t even go on multiple dates if they feel the start of their love graph is low.

In New York, because there are so many options, so many people, and such a big dating culture, why would you go on a second or third date with someone if the first date was was only, like, fine? You can just find someone else to date. Until you find that amazing spark, there isn’t really a reason to go on more dates.

It’s a great place to find a first date, and it gets harder and harder to go on multiple dates. Everyone has a really high bar or threshold for a second or third date. Where I think in smaller cities, you have less options. Even if the first date is fine and you’re both shy and didn’t immediately click, but it was good enough, you’re willing to go on another date because you don’t have any other options.

What makes you hot?

I’d like to think I’m a pretty playful and spontaneous person. I’m curious and interested to learn about any person that I meet. I’m intellectually very curious but also very curious about understanding people. And playful in that I don’t take life too seriously.

What’s your toxic trait in relationships?

I think I worked on this in my last relationship, but compared to the average person, I’m more likely to get jealous. I think when I was previously jealous, it came from a place of insecurity. I think I’ve gotten better, but I’d have to date someone to test that out.

What advice do you have for those looking for love?

I think my advice is to be open-minded, to not worry too much about what other people think about who you are doing on a date with. It’s ultimately about how that person makes you feel. Someone might be really smart, or make money, or they’re attractive or successful. You think, “If I’m associated with that person, I will also be associated with all these great things about that person.” All those things might be true. But it’s ultimately about how that person makes you feel.

At the end of the day, be open-minded. You might meet someone who’s not like, conventionally what your friends are like or who works in the same industry, or even went to college. But if that person makes you feel a certain way you should hold on to that. Don’t overthink it. Pursue it. Trust your gut on how people make you feel more than all the external stuff on the dating app you might see about them.

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