don’t be afraid of this hot single’s paparazzo past–it was a one-time deal, but i think he’d say the shot was worth it. our former paparazzo has that sweet and salty gemini personality, and he pictures himself with a guy who has a dark sense of humor to match. maybe something could develop between the two of you…
stay hot 🥵
p.s. the advice column is back next week. wanna ask a question? click the big orange button
what’s your claim to fame?
When I was 17, I had a chaotic encounter with Kim Kardashian. My dad brought me on a business trip to LA and while he was in meetings, I aimlessly wandered around Beverly Hills. During my walk, I spotted paparazzi swarming the entrance of an Italian restaurant. My curiosity got the best of me and I worked up enough nerve to ask who was in there. “The Kardashians,” someone replied. I waited with bated breath and a point-and-shoot camera. Kim emerged and I asked for a picture. She obliged but poor lighting rendered the image useless. I’m a strike while the iron's hot kind of guy and wasn’t going to let a little lighting gaffe deter me. So, I waded through a crowd of photographers to the driver’s side of her car (it was, in fact, the Bentley that led to the “don’t be fucking rude” purse swing) and pleaded for another picture. Once again, she obliged and I slid into the driver's seat with her to snap a pic. The paparazzi caught the whole thing on video and it remains online to this day. As for Kim and I, we never spoke again, but I’d like to imagine she sometimes thinks of the strange midwestern boy she let sit in her car.
what’s the last thing you wrote in your notes app?
My notes app functions as an incubator for half-baked, crazy shit I’ll think of on the subway and houses a seemingly endless amount of lists. The last list I made was a dream blunt rotation which included:
Andy, the silky-voiced meditation guru from Headspace
Misty from Yellowjackets (the older Christina Ricci version)
😈 what’s your toxic trait?
I can be pretty hard on myself, toeing the line between light self-deprecation and cumbersome self-doubt (but in a chic, can’t-dance-the-Black-Swan sort of way). I’m also a terrible procrastinator and reminded of it every day I look at my television precariously balanced on a pile of books while the mount is next to it like 👁 👄 👁
🥵 what makes you hot?
I’ll be upfront with you, I’m a Gemini…which sets up my views on my hotness nicely. On the one hand, I can be incredibly snarky and have a quick, biting wit that mostly makes people laugh. On the flip side, I’m a softy with a warm heart who’ll never turn down a chance to spark up a conversation or welcome a new person into my circle.
🔎 who are you looking for?
Guys with a dark sense of humor who know their way around a Spongebob reference, enjoy trying weird flavors of potato chips, and value exchanging shit posts as much as thought-provoking long reads to the front, please.
🙋🏻 if you’re interested in this week’s hot single, respond to this email or send a message to firstname.lastname@example.org with a photo and a little bit about yourself :)