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26M Guy Who’s Not Like Other Girls Seeks Girl Who’s Not Like Other Guys
ever been told you’re not like other guys? well this guy isn’t like other girls. for one, he spends so much time with small rodents that he has become personally invested in their success. like other guys, though, he participated in the whole gamestop debacle of 2021. did he get rich? read on to find out…
stay hot 🥵
who inspires you? (and why)
My PhD work involves training mice to solve logic problems (think Mr. Bobo from Coraline if he was a woman in STEM minus the woman part) and one of my mice, Dv005, started off as the intellectual runt of the litter. She never gave up though and in the last two weeks has girlbossed her way to becoming the best-performing mouse of her entire cohort- kind of like a mouse version of Hillary Clinton or celebrity chef and accomplished businessman Wolfgang Puck. She inspires me to never give up even if times are tough and I’m just a smooth-brained member of the muridae family <3
I’m also deeply inspired by Noam “The Rock” Chomsky- an academic who has made seminal contributions to the cognitive sciences while advocating for a number of progressive social issues (Vietnam, Palestine, climate change, etc.) AND replying to every email he receives ?? Talk about getting you a guy who does both !!
what seemed like a good idea at the time?
I was one of those people who invested a lot of money in Gamestop right when the stock exploded in early 2021. At first, everything was gravy and I was up several hundred thousand dollars. Unfortunately, all of this was unfolding during my surgery rotation when I spent most of the day scrubbed and without access to my phone.
During one fateful and particularly long appendectomy, my phone began to buzz and kept buzzing for the duration of the procedure. When I scrubbed out, I saw that the stock had tanked and long story short, in spite of my best efforts to channel my inner Mark Cuban, I ended up selling for almost exactly $0 profit. Now I am back to regularly patronizing the last few 99c pizza places in Manhattan. As they say in France, “U win some, u lose some :’)”
😈 what’s your toxic trait?
I’m just going to leave this here:
🥵 what makes you hot?
I have read The Notebook
I haven’t read Infinite Jest
Sometimes I write kitschy lil synthpop songs- I wrote this hot single for hot singles like you <3
I have published peer-reviewed research on Despicable Me
I run a novelty Twitter account with 0 followers where every tweet is of the form “Within each of us there are two wolves: X and Y” (e.g., “Within each of us there are two wolves: the Dingley Tariff Act of 1897 and a lukewarm bowl of porridge”)
I teach kiddos human + worm biology on Saturdays
How many of these can I put before it becomes super arrogant
🔎 who are you looking for?
Women who are kind, curious, and understand that Cars 2 had to walk so Everything, Everywhere, All at Once could run.
🙋🏻 if you’re interested in this week’s hot single, respond to this email or send a message to firstname.lastname@example.org with a photo and a little bit about yourself :)
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