if you go to dinner with this hot single, it might get spicy. thankfully, he’s got a trio of non-dairy milks in his fridge to cool you down. but that isn’t the only trinity in his life–ask him about growing up catholic or his fascination with the lion, the witch, and the wardrobe. our possible psychic might be able to see the future, but do you see yourself in his?
stay hot 🥵
what are your predictions for the coming months/years?
Summer bleeds into the fall, jacket sales increase, sea levels continue to rise. I'm discovered by a Hollywood talent scout, who, after reading this very post, plucks me from obscurity to write/direct/star in their next big project.
Christina Milian comes back in a big way. (Did I mention I descend from Italian psychics?)
Ultimately, fame consumes me.
make up your own fuck/marry/kill
The Lion, the Witch, & the Wardrobe (correct response: fuck the lion, marry the witch, kill the wardrobe).
The Catholic school child in me says marry the lion, kill the witch, and fuck the wardrobe (read: closeted queer youth). But as an adult, I’d definitely fuck the lion (woof), marry the witch (girlboss), and kill off the wardrobe (even though they are a trans icon. I’m so sorry.)
😈 what’s your toxic trait?
Getting lost in the ephemeral beauty of the mundane, so much so that I drift away from the conversation at hand and into a dream passing by on a speck of dust (adult ADHD).
Also, I’m indecisive as hell.
I have 3 different non-dairy milks in the fridge right now.
🥵 what makes you hot?
I’m an organ donor, interned for Rep. Maxine Waters in college, and might be an empath. Politics and spicy food both give me agita—but I love them too much to stay away (hot + tragic = sexy). I’m only fluent in English, but I could incorporate some elementary Russian or Arabic into the bedroom upon request. Wu Tang Clan attended my 6th birthday party. I take my grandma to a Broadway show every 6 months. I’m a union member! I make the best soup.
🔎 who are you looking for?
Also, men who are either much shorter or much taller than me. I want us to look like we’re from different species.
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