🚨🥵💦 it’s hot single summer 🚨🥵💦
i know it’s been hot in nyc and you’ve all been ~extra~ thirsty. it’s my personal mission to keep everyone sufficiently hydrated, so for the whole month of july, hotsingles.nyc is bringing you not one, but TWO hot singles every week. make sure to check your inbox on hump day 🙃
to kick off the month, we’re featuring an absolute legend. our handsome hitchhiker survived a near-death experience, beat someone very famous at basketball, and despite being featured on this very newsletter, is very Offline. could you be his dream woman? (fuck around and) find out below.
p.s. follow us on twitter and instagram @hotsinglesnyc for memes, giveaways, and surprises 😈
what’s the most legendary thing about you?
I absolutely destroyed Timothée Chalamet in one-on-one basketball and had no idea who he was.
what’s the best interaction you’ve had with a stranger?
My friends and I took a winter hike one afternoon in college and ended up getting lost and stranded in the woods on a mountain in upstate NY after the sun had set. We gave up on escaping and were getting ready to start digging holes in the snow to pile into to try to keep each other warm when we found a road that had been plowed. No chance we would have made it through the night. I was walking a really fine line between remaining calm despite thinking we were all going to die and totally panicking because I actually did think we were all going to die.
Eventually, a pickup truck pulled up as we were walking down the road. We stopped the driver and I explained the situation, and he agreed to help us. I was chosen to sit in the front with him while my friends laid down in the bed of the truck (they both trusted me to get us back to our cars and were willing to sacrifice me in case something went wrong). At this point it was snowing hard and maybe 5 degrees out. The driver ended up being a super nice guy who gave us a bottle of whiskey to help keep warm. Huge shout out to Steve the firefighter from Queens, I wouldn’t be here without you.
😈 what’s your toxic trait?
My dad (pictured above) is a kind and gentle psychologist who writes poetry and still plays the same set of bongo drums he got in the 1970s from Morocco. I guess it only makes Freudian sense that my toxic trait is being addicted to getting into relationships with girls who have commanding Republican fathers (my ex’s dad once told me while we were walking in the woods that the only law he likes is Darwin’s).
🥵 what makes you hot?
Besides the standard, classic things that make people hot (I am extremely nice, have a strong sense of purpose, am unbelievably emotionally stable, and have cool interests/hobbies/job that I won’t talk about unless you ask), I think one thing that makes me particularly hot is that I’m barely on the internet. Not in the ideological sense - I have always used social media and don’t avoid it, but I just truly and endearingly know nothing about what goes on online. If you make any sort of semi-specific twitter or media reference, I will probably just stare blankly at you and say “damn, that’s actually crazy.” A more concrete example is that it took me 2.5 years to realize I was in a twitter group chat with four of my closest friends
🔎 who are you looking for?
at this particular moment in my life I’m actually just looking for the woman of my dreams
🙋🏽♀️ if you’re interested in this week’s hot single, respond to this email with a photo and a little bit about yourself :)
how does this work?
you receive a weekly personal ad for a hot single
if you’re interested, reply to this email or send a message to firstname.lastname@example.org (have a friend who might be interested? forward it to them!)
a member of our team will share your message with the hot single, and they’ll take it from there
who is hot singles for?
we’ve got a variety of genders and sexualities on our list. most people are in their 20s and 30s. all are welcome. tell your friends 👯
can i reach out to more than one hot single?
yes. you’re encouraged to respond to as many ads as you’d like.
how do i get featured?
fill out this form to join the waitlist